Being a first time Mum
A dream came true when Ethan arrived as I had always wanted to be a Mum, but you can never prepare for how hard it is.
I am certain most first times Mum's feel like this but we just don't speak about it. I wanted to express how I felt becoming a first time Mum to make others aware that it's normal to feel this way and it doesn't mean you don't love your child any less.
“Being a first time Mum brings such pure joy, happiness and fills you with a love which you never knew you had. It is truly the most amazing experience but also one of the hardest too'.
Meeting my son
When I found out I was pregnant, I was so ecstatic and excited to finally realise my dream. I always wanted to be a Mum but was waiting for the opportunity to arise and nearly 3 years ago now I was lucky enough for that little white stick to be positive. I was one of the lucky ones and had a good pregnancy, other than the feeling of being sick and back-ache towards the end I had a very straight forward 9 months. I actually liked the sick feeling as it reassured me that my little baby was still growing.
Unfortunately the birth wasn't as straight forward but I will leave this for another post when I feel ready to write about it. Although it might not be bad compared to others to me it is still with me today. However when I finally met my son I was just overwhelmed with that love that everyone tells you about. The sheer joy of holding your baby for the first time, you never want to let go. It is so precious and a feeling I have stored away to remember.
Coming home as a family of three
The moment we were allowed to come home was euphoric. We safely put Ethan in his car seat and headed towards the car. As I am sure the majority of new mum's do I had to sit in the back of the car to make sure he was ok, in fact I did this for a number of weeks. I remember so vividly getting home and sitting on the sofa and saying to Adam ''Wow he is ours and we have to look after him''. The most scariest feeling ever, so many thought's go through your mind. What if I don't bring them up right, What if I fail as a parent? What if I can't keep them safe and make them happy?. We could go mad with all the thoughts which go through our minds with a new baby. I honestly believe though that all they really need is to be loved and have a home, clothes and food.
The reality of being a first time Mum
Although I love Ethan so much and will always put him first and try to be the best Mum, to him, my personal struggles have been with losing your independence 100%, your life changes in a flash and although being a Mum has always been my dream it still hits you hard when you can't do as you please when you want. My partner is a self-employed Plumber and so his working hours are so varied. Each day is different depending on how the job goes, so I can not rely on him to be home and so being able to go to the gym has been out of the agenda since Ethan was born.
I still find this hard two years on but I wouldn't change it for the world as it is such a privilege to be Ethan’s mum.